


Come Home

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: The Order (TV 2019)
Genre: Best Friends, Families of Choice, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Introspection, Moving In Together, Pack Bonding, Pack Family, Panic Attacks, Returning Home, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25455403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Jack didn’t know when it happened. It must have been recent, and slow to settle because all he knew was that one day had no home and no family and nobody else left in the world who cared about him, and the next he had all of that and more.The revelation happened late one afternoon, when he arrived at the Den after a long day of classes and Order business, exhausted and lethargic and more than ready for a nap. The others were playing ping-pong in the foyer when he entered, and Jack hadn’t even stepped foot in the door when Hamish glanced up from the game to smile at him and greet, “Welcome home, Jack,” before returning his attention to the very intense game, not noticing that Jack was struggling to keep his feet under him.
Relationships: Lilith Bathory & Randall Carpio & Hamish Duke & Jack Morton
Comments: 7
Kudos: 95





	Come Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is not the greatest fic I've ever written but I was proud of the conversation between Jack and Randall in the dorm. I... I just have so many thoughts and feelings about our poor Jack. Poor boy. I just want to give him and the rest of the Knights a big hug.

Jack didn’t know when it happened. It must have been recent, and slow to settle because all he knew was that one day had no home and no family and nobody else left in the world who cared about him, and the next he had all of that and more.

It was a slow progression. So slow that it was meaningless. Maybe he started studying more often at the Knights Den, surrounded by the quiet mutterings of the other wolves and a cocktail never far out of reach. And maybe he started leaving his things there, only the heaviest things of course, instead of carrying them all the way back to his dorm. And maybe, just maybe, they were exactly where he had left them the next time he visited, or moved out of the way and placed neatly in a spot where he was sure to find them without asking. But that meant nothing. It just meant that he was being sloppy, and needed to remember to take all his things with him when he left. That’s all.

But then he started crashing there, sprawled out on the couch with his backpack as a pillow until the others convinced him, painstakingly so, to move upstairs into one of the spare, unused bedrooms. Just for when he was too tired at the end of the day to trudge through the woods all the way back home. But that meant nothing. They were just being considerate, and they knew he would be no use to them unconscious somewhere in the woods.

But then the spare bedroom began to become more… personable. Hamish had helped him pick out the bedspread and pillow set he wanted and personally went down to the store to purchase it for him. Randall helped him decorate, with his favourite books in the bookcases and childhood mementos in the shelves and achievements from high school. Lilith helped him hang pictures on the walls, of him and Pete throughout his life, of him and his mother when they were both young and bright-eyed, things that Jack would never think to do for himself and commented kindly on how much he looked like his mum. Even his dorm back at the university was still occupied by boxes of his things stacked up in the corner, the things he didn’t need. But that didn't mean anything. They just didn’t want him to feel left out, or too much like the new guy. He understood.

When he started losing clothes, he had assumed they’d been torn up during a transformation, or he’d taken them off and left them somewhere and forgotten to retrieve them later. But then he found them at the Den, hung up in the closet in his bedroom and it just seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Nobody mentioned it like it was something that had just always happened. Not even Lilith, who took every and any opportunity to bust his balls about something.

Other students started to recognize what a tight-knit group they were, whispering about them at lunch and sending them side-eyed glances when they didn’t think they were looking. Lilith would stare them down, and Randall would wave and make it very obvious that they were aware of all the gossip, and Hamish would throw his arm over Jack’s shoulder and act as if it had never been any different, but sometimes, even Jack found himself wondering what the other students were whispering.  _ How the hell did townie Jack Morton get in with that group? _

Even the faculty knew how close they were, and would often give Jack messages to pass onto the others, and vice versa. “Tell Mr Duke that I’ve left important papers I need him to sign on his desk.” “Please inform Mrs Bathory that I did not appreciate that message she left for me at the end of her most recent test.” “For the last time, tell Randall that if I don’t see him in class next week, he’s going to fail the unit.” And not for a moment did Jack think that was unusual.

Wherever he went, there was no member of the Knights too far away. Whether it was Randall waiting for him to leave the temple or eagerly badgering him to attend a bender at the Blade and Chalice or Hamish pulling him out of class to sneak him coffees and escort him through the hallways or Lilith eating with him during their lunch break or have her hooking her arm in his and glaring at any of the women staring at him a little too long until they turned away. But no matter where, no matter how, there was always at least one other wolf around to keep him company everywhere he looked.

He referred to the place as home, but not intentionally. It just slipped out, and even though it had passed his lips, he didn’t realize it had happened. “I’ll see you guys at home.” “Race you home?” “Tell the others that I’ll be home a little later than normal- I’ve got to deal with some classes.” But he didn’t really mean it like that. Nobody corrected him on it, so surely it wasn’t really a big deal. He would know if something like that had happened. He would know if he’d found a place he could consider home. He would know that.

His favourite snacks started showing up in the panty at the Den, and his favourite drinks in the fridge. His favourite coffee order was programmed into the coffee machine. His favourite shows are pre-recorded on the TV. The communal upstairs bathroom had a matching towel with his name embroidered on the corner like all the others- Hamish’s special touch- and a toothbrush in the holder. It just seemed so natural. Where else would he find snacks and drinks and simple items tailored to his preference, but it was everyone, not just him. He wasn’t the only one with embroidered towels and pre-programmed coffee preferences and specific snacks in the pantry, so it wasn’t all that strange if he really thought about it.

The revelation happened late one afternoon, when he arrived at the Den after a long day of classes and Order business, exhausted and lethargic and more than ready for a nap. The others were playing ping-pong in the foyer when he entered, and Jack hadn’t even stepped foot in the door when Hamish glanced up from the game to smile at him and greet, “Welcome home, Jack,” before returning his attention to the very intense game, not noticing that Jack was struggling to keep his feet under him.

“What?” He asked, and his voice sounded faint, even to him.

Slowly, Randall and Hamish paused their game, and Lilith looked up from where she was reading on the stairs, and they all turned to stare at him with confused, worried expressions. “Uh,” Hamish repeated quietly. “Welcome home Jack?”

He glanced around the room as the thought really struck him. There was a framed photo of the Knights on the wall, slightly drunk and pink-faced and obnoxiously cheerful. On the fridge were photos of him and others that Lilith had taken, all at ugly angles and embarrassing situations, right beside ones of Hamish and Randall. His bedroom upstairs was filled with childhood achievements and personal items, the bathroom with an extra towel and toothbrush. Hamish stocked his favourite alcohol in his bar. Randall had his favourite video games upstairs in his bedroom, saved on his console, the boxes stacked carefully in the cabinet. Lilith had his favourite songs saved to a personalized playlist on her phone. This place, despite never knowing, never thinking, never realizing- was unquestionably his home.

“Jack?” Randall asked, taking a slow step forward. “Are you alright, man?

With every step Randall took towards him, Jack took a step back. “When the fuck did this place become a home?” He muttered, mostly to himself, but he heard Lilith made a sound from the staircase, and the distinct sound of a book being slammed onto the steps and the scraping of her shoes against the wood. “When did you guys start deciding that I belonged here?”

“We thought you wanted to be here,” Hamish said slowly, sounding both confused and afraid at the same time. “You were the one who started leaving your things here. We thought you were doing it on purpose.”

“What’s the big deal?” Lilith asked. “You’ve got a home now. So what? I don’t get it.”

But Jack couldn’t answer her, couldn’t explain to her what it meant to him to have a home after his whole life was dedicated to getting revenge on Coventry, including which houses he lived in, and the very little actual living he was able to do in those houses. What it meant to have any semblance of a family, once both his mother and his grandfather died because of the Order, leaving Jack with nobody but himself. What it meant to have somewhere safe, a bedroom of his own, a kitchen filled with food, a bathroom with hot water, a bar filled with alcohol after putting such luxuries on the back burner for his entire life. How could he explain that to them? How could he have let this happen?

“You don’t understand,” He managed. “You don’t… you don’t really want this…”

Hamish made a distressed sound. “Jack, come on, of _course_ we do. Do you think we’re only pretending to give a fuck about you? We wouldn’t care so much if we didn’t want you part of the family.”

“Part of the family?” Jack choked out. “You don’t mean that Hamish, so don’t say it.”

“Jack, what’s going on with you?” Randall asked as he took a step closer. Jack stepped back until he was on the front porch. “Where’s this coming from? You look like you’re going to pass out.”

“Just,” Jack licked his lips, swallowed hard. Silverback growled in distress. Red spots danced behind his eyes, claws forced through his skin and nails dropping to the ground, fangs pushing at his gums as he tried to hold them back. “Don’t.”

He turned on his heel before it went any further, before they could argue and lie and guilt him into staying, before Silverback tried to defend him from an imaginary danger, and sprinted away through the woods as he heard the Knights follow after him, shouting his name into the fading afternoon light.

Unsurprisingly, he found himself retreating to the only place he had left, the only place that was safe and slammed the door to his university dorm shut as he fell against the door and slid to the ground with his back against the wood. There was an all-consuming, inconceivable emptiness within his chest, so unfathomable that he could hardly understand it, like something was eating him alive from the inside. Part of him thought it was Silverback, scratching at his chest wall and prowling across his lungs and gnawing at his ribcage, but no, Silverback would never hurt him more than he was already hurting.

It had never occurred to him that he had been slowly moving out of the dorm and into the Den. As he looked around now, he realized that the stack of boxes in the corner was much smaller, the chest of drawers now fully closed when usually they were packed with over-flowing clothes. There weren’t even any sheets on his bed. It looked almost the same as it did when he moved in, very similar to his room back home.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure why it had impacted him so much. It wasn’t that big of a deal, right? It shocked him most that it had happened so naturally, and that it had taken until now, many months after it started before he realized just how much the Den had really become a home. But he had never had a home before, not really. His childhood home lost that title when his mum died, and every other house since then that he and Pete had moved to couldn’t be considered home at all. Some of the places could hardly be called a house. But all his belongings were at the Den, and that place had a tether to his soul and called to his heart something fierce.

But there was no way in hell that the Knights could want him there, right? Sure, they had come a long way from Hamish and Lilith wanting to kill him and Randall eagerly awaiting him to stumble upon the answers himself, but they couldn’t really want him to move into their home, could they? He was the new guy, the dude who had come in and ruined their family unit. So what if he was another wolf? He couldn’t… intrude like that. He couldn’t just show up and move in without their permission, without their request, without their sayso. But they seemed to know it was happening even if Jack himself hadn’t, and they seemed to embrace it, almost, so maybe they did want him to move in with them. But that couldn’t be right. They would have just said something to him if that were true. He couldn’t do that to them, couldn’t tear them apart from the inside, couldn’t ruin them like that. They didn’t deserve it.

Jack had learnt over the years that the only thing he was good at was bringing pain and destruction and torment to anyone who knew him, breaking the people he loved and hurting the people who didn’t deserve it. But the Knights seemed to be just as fucked up as he was. 

But Lilith said she couldn’t see the big deal, and Hamish had seemed surprised when Jack said that he didn’t have a home and Randall had looked hurt when he said that they didn’t really want him… so maybe they did mean what they said? Jack had never had a family before. His mother died, his father left them when he was too young to remember, and all he had was Pete, but he realized too late in life that Pete never wanted him to be family, was just using him for his own gain, a cog in his machine of vengeance. He had never known what a real family was like. Pete couldn’t be called family. A guardian, maybe, but not family, not even in name. Was that what the warm, tingly feeling was when he was near the Knights? The settling of a warm blanket around his shoulders, hot chocolate warming his belly, eyes closed and fingers through his hair? The purring of a satisfied wolf within his ribcage, vibrating his very soul? Was that what family was meant to feel like?

But no. They couldn’t mean it. Nobody ever meant it. His mother hadn't meant it when she died, his father hadn’t met it while he was still loving his mother, and Pete hadn’t meant it when he made Jack waste his life to get to Belgrave. If they hadn’t meant it, his own flesh and blood and DNA, then how the hell could the Knights mean it, bonded to him in nothing but name? He didn’t think they were lying. He just knew that they hadn’t yet realized how much they would regret that decision soon enough. They had good intentions. They just didn’t know how bad he would be for them.

They already had such a tight-knit team, a close family-unit, that he couldn’t even imagine himself breaking that up. He couldn’t bear it. He cared about them all so much that he would rather die than hurt them like he hurt everyone else he had ever met.

He was reminded once again that a having a home would normally mean having a bed with sheets on it, and he ended up spending the night with his back against the door, curled up in himself, wondering what the fuck he was going to do. His phone was going off like crazy, buzzing incessantly on the other side of the room where he had thrown it to land on the pile of boxes. He didn’t bother getting up to look at it. He knew who it would be, and he really didn’t want to talk about it.

Bright and early the next morning, Jack was woken up by a hammering on his door so hard that it shocked him awake. “Jack?” Randall’s voice was muffled by the wood. “As your RA and best friend, I’m really worried about you right now. And so are the others. Can you open up? Please?”

“Go away, Randall,” Jack moaned, rubbing at the back of his head and shifting so he could lay against the floor. “I want to be alone.”

“Yeah, I kinda got that, considering you ran out on us yesterday, haven’t answered any of our texts or phone calls, and made Hamish and I patrol the streets looking for you while Lilith stayed back and made sure your hide didn’t return to its locker,” Randall sounded both stern and concerned, and Jack sighed as he resigned himself to not getting any more sleep and stood up off the floor. “So can you just open the door and talk to me? Please? If not for anything else, just to hear me out.”

The last thing Jack wanted to do was open the door and let Randall in, but he knew that if he didn’t, Randall would just keep banging on his door until he did. He also knew that he would never forgive himself. “Are you alone?”

“Dude, it’s nearly seven in the morning. Of course, I’m alone. You think I would drag the others out of bed for something we both know they’re going to talk to you about during lunch?”

Reluctantly, Jack unlocked and opened the door, and Randall shoved himself inside before Jack could change his mind. “Now what?” Jack asked when he shut the door and turned back to Randall with his arms crossed. 

Randall looked around his dorm room, rocking back and forth on his heels. “This is… cozy. You wouldn’t want to spend the night somewhere nicer, with an actual bed and people who care about your wellbeing? Like, I don't know, the Den?”

“Randall.”

“Alright, alright,” Randall raised his arms in surrender. “I just wanted to know what the hell that was yesterday, man? You just… ran off and didn’t come back. Hamish even called Vera to ask if you had gone to the temple.”

“You shouldn’t have gone to all that trouble,” Jack shook his head. “It wasn’t worth it.”

“But  _ you’re  _ worth it, Jack.” Randall insisted. “We look after each other. We’re family, now.”

Jack felt like he’d been slapped in the face. “You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I mean it, Jack! What are you talking about? I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t mean it.”

Turning around, Jack tried to make as much distance between him and Randall as he could in his tiny dorm, but it didn’t do him much good, considering Randall matched his steps and followed him everywhere he moved. “You wouldn’t understand.”

In a surprising act of brazen, shameless force, Randall grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him back around to face him. “Then explain it to me.”

It wasn’t the easiest thing to understand, and he wanted to say as much, but judging by the expression on Randall’s face, he knew that probably wasn’t going to fly. “You know,” he gestured frustratedly. “You’re going to learn. You’re going to hang around me too much and you’re going to get sick of me, and want to get rid of me, but by that point, it’ll be too late and it’ll just be difficult for any of us. You don’t really mean it, because you don’t really know me.”

Randall sighed, and Jack couldn’t tell if he was exhausted, annoyed, sympathetic, or all three. “There are so many things I want to say about that, but I doubt you’ll want to listen. What’s the real problem here? What’s going on, man?”

“Randall-”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to hear about it.”

Biting his lip, Jack sat heavily down on his bed, devoid of anything other than the mattress and the things that the school gave him before he moved in. “It’s just… you know. I’ve never had a family before. Not really. Mum died when I was young, and I never knew my dad other than the revenge Pete pushed on me my whole life. And don’t even get me started on Pete,” he licked his lips, and Randall waited patiently for him to continue. “I’ve never had a home before, not really. And I’ve never had a family. There’s always been a reason for that, though, and it’s-”

“Because you think you’re toxic? Because you think that everyone you care about suffers?” Randall interrupted as he moved closer. “Because you’re worried about what will happen if you get too close? Because you’re afraid of how we’ll react when we meet the real you? Yeah, welcome to the Knights of Saint Christopher. You’ve come to the right place.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Dude, you’re not going to hurt us,” Randall argued as he crouched down in front of Jack and placed a hand on his knee. “We’re all a little bit fucked up. Hamish drinks too much. Lilith likes getting hit as much as she likes to hit things. I just want everyone to be happy even if I’m not always happy myself. I understand what it’s like, we all do. But you’re over-analysing this. Just because your past has been shitty doesn’t mean that your future will be too. You never had a family before, and that sucks, it does. But you have one _now_ , with me and Lilith and Hamish, and you have a home, back at the Den. You don’t have to stay here or rely on the Order. You can come and live with us, and rely on us.”

Jack shook his head. “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Randall. Don’t tell me things you’re just going to take back later.”

“We’re a family, Jack whether you admit it or not. It’s how the wolves work. Wolves hunt, live and thrive in packs. And it might be a little bit different for us, but the concept is still the same,” Randall said. “It wasn’t an accident that we gave you the spare room. Hamish doesn’t order embroidered towels for anyone unless they’re living there at least part-time. Lilith helped hang your photos up and some other permanent additions. Your clothes are in your wardrobe. Your food is in the fridge. You have your own study corner on the couch. You have your own seat at the kitchen bench. Hamish has your favourite cocktails memorised. Lilith knows all your favourite books, and the route you take to classes each day. I know every move you’re going to make in every video game we play. The Den is your home, Jack. Apparently the only person who didn’t know that was you.”

Though he had already known all that, hearing it from Randall made everything change ever so slightly, and Jack realized that he had no idea what he was supposed to do now. “I’ve never had a family or a home. I’ve never had friends, either. I can live without a home, and I’ve already lived without family, but I don’t know if I’ll survive without friends. I’m worried that if I live in the Den with you guys, I’ll end up without any of them. No home, no friends, no family. And I know that’s a reality.”

“Well, I can promise you right now that it isn’t going to happen,” Randall sounded so sure that Jack looked up to finally meet his eyes. “But if it makes you feel any better, we’ll take all your stuff out of your room and bring it back here and let you make that decision when you’re aware of it. But we will always have a place for you, and the Den will always be your home if you want it. You will always be a Knight whether you live in the Den or not. But we _want_ you there, Jack. We want you home with us. A family, a team, a pack, whatever you want to call it. You’re one of us, now. And you’re not getting of us that easily.”

Randall sounded so confident, so determined, so positive that Jack honestly couldn’t help but believe him. He wanted to say yes, wanted to grab the rest of his stuff and follow Randall to the Den, to move in and never leave but… he’s been burned before. And he knew what that burn felt like. “Randall… I don’t-”

He was interrupted once again by Randall reaching out and grabbing both Jack’s hands in his own, warmth against frigid, smooth against calloused, steady against shaking. “ _ Come home _ , Jack.”

All of a sudden, Jack had no idea what the hell he was doing here in this shitty dorm when he should be back at the Den with the rest of the Knights, back home with his family, and somewhere within his chest, Silverback awoke as if from a deep sleep, sensing Jack’s revelation, and growled in satisfaction. “Alright,” he said, trying to keep his reaction subdued. “Alright. Yeah. I can come home, I guess.”

Randall’s grin was so broad and authentic and pure that it almost blinded Jack with its absolute kindness, and helped Jack off the bed and assisted him in grabbing the last of the cardboard boxes and personal effects that had been left behind, and they trudged through the woods back to the Den long before anyone else woke up.

Jack was downstairs in the living room when Hamish and Lilith came down, and the look on their faces when they caught sight of him made something in his chest swell three sizes. “Look what I found,” Randall sounded smug, but he also sounded happier than he had in months.

Lilith pushed past Hamish on the stairs to get to Jack before anyone else and then wrapped her arms around Jack so tightly that he felt the breath knocked out of him. Once she realized what she was doing, she cleared her throat and stepped back, looking sheepish. “I’m so glad you’re OK,” she sounded relieved. “We were so worried about you when you left yesterday. We didn’t know where you would go, what you would do…”

She trailed off, mouth pressed into a hard line as Hamish finally joined them on the first floor, and he extended his hand out to Jack for a handshake before changing his mind and pulling him in for a hug. It was a gentler embrace than Lilith’s, but Jack could feel the tension leave Hamish’s shoulders every moment they were entwined. “Well, enough of that now,” he said as he pulled away, slower than Lilith. “You don’t have to tell us what happened Jack but… we’re just glad you’re home.”

Lilith looked between Jack and the door with darting eyes and Randall held his breath in nervous anticipation. Part of Jack thought that he would run, would warn them to rethink it, to make them understand that they didn’t really want him anywhere near them, but… he didn’t. Maybe it was Silverback purring fondly in his chest, or the feeling of safety he got just by being within these four walls with these three people. Jack had never had a family before, but maybe that was all about to change.

“Yeah,” Jack said, and was surprised with how much he meant it. “So am I.”

Randall whooped and threw his fists up in the air, and Jack couldn’t help but share in his enthusiasm. “The pack is back, baby! The Knights are back in business!” Lilith was grinning, rare and unusual and beautiful like the first sunrise dancing on snow and she tilted her head back and howled at the sky, voice warbling as Timber joined in on the fun.

Unlike the other two, Hamish managed to keep his excitement somewhat contained, as he wrapped his arms around Jack’s shoulders and uttered the words Jack had heard a thousand times but have only just now become special to him. “Welcome home, Jack.”

“It’s good to be home,” Jack said as he snaked his arm around Hamishs’s lower back, holding him close, and realize just how much those words meant to him.


End file.
